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Monday, 27 February 2017

READ CAREFULLY-- WHY ACT OR PLAY HARD TO GET




Relationships are tricky, and being bombarded by unsolicited advice about how love works, doesn't help. From best friends to neighbors,
siblings to aunts, everyone is always eager to walk you through the steps of building a relationship that would last. One of these steps, they say, is playing hard to get. Especially as a woman, you are expected to not put out. You must always be a little out of reach, giving only in bits, or nothing at all, giving him the opportunity to chase you. That's how he falls in love, they say, by fighting for what he wants. By having the moments of longing proving his worth to you, and wooing you till you relent.
It's not that the approach doesn't work. Making yourself too available to someone is an instant put off for anybody, and not just men. But, there's a fine line between holding your own, and playing hard to get. The former is healthy for relationships. It is that sweet spot where desire is not concealed, but it is also not central to one's existence. This is good. It brings in equality and respect in the relationship.
But, playing hard to get means pretending you don't care, when you actually do. It means not calling or texting first when all you can think about is why you haven't heard from your love interest. It means dismissing someone's interest in you, in the hope that depriving them of their heart's desire will make them want you more. It's stupid. And there is so much wrong with this.
Let's break it down.
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Firstly, why should you have to be chased? What does it say about you that you feel the need to have a man prove his attraction to you? Are you not good enough, that you need repeated shows of interest as validation? Why is there the disbelief when someone tells you that they have taken a liking to you? Why must they tell you again and again? Because how can you trust them in the first go? Sure, we will give you that. But, if you look at it, it's not about trust at all. Because, frankly, you can never trust anyone fully. That's the fact of life. So, then, what is it? He must prove his intent because so you are sure he's not a flake? But, of course he won't let his shortcomings come to light unless he is secure in the knowledge that you are with him. That's how relationships work. You can't test someone's grit in the first stage of your alliance with them.
Relationships are tricky, and being bombarded by unsolicited advice about how love works, doesn't help. From best friends to neighbours, siblings to aunts, everyone is always eager to walk you through the steps of building a relationship that would last. One of these steps, they say, is playing hard to get. Especially as a woman, you are expected to not put out. You must always be a little out of reach, giving only in bits, or nothing at all, giving him the opportunity to chase you. That's how he falls in love, they say, by fighting for what he wants. By having the moments of longing proving his worth to you, and wooing you till you relent.
It's not that the approach doesn't work. Making yourself too available to someone is an instant put off for anybody, and not just men. But, there's a fine line between holding your own, and playing hard to get. The former is healthy for relationships. It is that sweet spot where desire is not concealed, but it is also not central to one's existence. This is good. It brings in equality and respect in the relationship.
But, playing hard to get means pretending you don't care, when you actually do. It means not calling or texting first when all you can think about is why you haven't heard from your love interest. It means dismissing someone's interest in you, in the hope that depriving them of their heart's desire will make them want you more. It's stupid. And there is so much wrong with this.
Let's break it down.

Firstly, why should you have to be chased? What does it say about you that you feel the need to have a man prove his attraction to you? Are you not good enough, that you need repeated shows of interest as validation? Why is there the disbelief when someone tells you that they have taken a liking to you? Why must they tell you again and again? Because how can you trust them in the first go? Sure, we will give you that. But, if you look at it, it's not about trust at all. Because, frankly, you can never trust anyone fully. That's the fact of life. So, then, what is it? He must prove his intent because so you are sure he's not a flake? But, of course he won't let his shortcomings come to light unless he is secure in the knowledge that you are with him. That's how relationships work. You can't test someone's grit in the first stage of your alliance with them.

This notion that men like mystery, and women must carry that beacon by not giving their all, has been warped into this game of playing hard to get. Again, there's a fine line between being mysterious, and playing hard to get. The former is simply a function of being your own person, with your own interests, your own thoughts, your own beliefs, and a rich inner life. Anyone with these things, who is not willing to compromise them for another human being, is mysterious.
Playing hard to get means turning down invitations that you don't want to, and acting disinterested when you are actually not. It is a game that men also catch on to quickly, and it makes all of us look pretty stupid. It feeds into the stereotype that a 'no' can be turned into a 'yes,' if a woman is pursued long enough. Umm... no. It can't. Let's not propagate this idea, please.
Relationships don't have to be that complicated. If you are interested in someone, then spend time with them. Go out on dates, reply to their texts, answer their calls, and don't be hesitant to take the initiative sometimes. But, do all of this with the disclaimer that if something about this person doesn't bode well with you, or vice versa, you have no problem being on your own. Remember the fine line. 
This notion that men like mystery, and women must carry that beacon by not giving their all, has been warped into this game of playing hard to get. Again, there's a fine line between being mysterious, and playing hard to get. The former is simply a function of being your own person, with your own interests, your own thoughts, your own beliefs, and a rich inner life. Anyone with these things, who is not willing to compromise them for another human being, is mysterious.
Playing hard to get means turning down invitations that you don't want to, and acting disinterested when you are actually not. It is a game that men also catch on to quickly, and it makes all of us look pretty stupid. It feeds into the stereotype that a 'no' can be turned into a 'yes,' if a woman is pursued long enough. Umm... no. It can't. Let's not propagate this idea, please.
Relationships don't have to be that complicated. If you are interested in someone, then spend time with them. Go out on dates, reply to their texts, answer their calls, and don't be hesitant to take the initiative sometimes. But, do all of this with the disclaimer that if something about this person doesn't bode well with you, or vice versa, you have no problem being on your own. Remember the fine line. 

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